


A Complete History of My Sexual Failures

by helia7



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 18:25:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10418376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helia7/pseuds/helia7
Summary: Christophe's runt on how he failed to get Viktor's attention.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Flashfic for Synchronised Screaming; written for the prompt Christophe / Victor - A Complete History of My Sexual Failures
> 
> Many thanks again to Kiraly for proofreading

Do you know how I feel, Viktor? Here I am, 25 years old and never been laid. (Okay, this isn’t true.) I just never been laid by the person I most desire. Yes, that’s you.

From the moment you first smiled at me and threw me a flower, all that my heart (and body) wants is you. (By the way, I would have appreciated if you had given me a rose; that, I could have dried and preserved. The tulip just rotted away. I kept the cellophane though.) After that first, sweet encounter I even dreamt of you. That was actually my first wet dream. I told you about this once, but you just laughed at me. (Or was my accent so bad back then that you didn’t understand?)

Watching your flawless performances made my love for skating even deeper. I think we have so much in common! Have you ever felt the excitement rising in you when you’re gliding on the ice and the pulsing sensation in your loins during a serpentine step sequence? Have you ever been turned on by a back scratch spin and became jelly-legged after a perfect triple Axel? Ah, I bet you have. I wanted you to see how arousing an exquisitely done jump combination can be, but alas, it was my coach who saw that first and he wasn’t thrilled.

You know, I was (I still am) so into you, that I often forgot myself in the heat of the moment and whispered your name in the ears of my lovers, even if the person was a woman. I still have a little scar on my forehead from the phone she hit me with. (Do you want to touch it? I want you to touch it!)

Ah, Viktor I tried so hard to get your attention! Remember when I was performing in a hat? That was after I tried to dye my hair silver blonde... I asked you out to dinner a million times, but when the two of us finally had a chance to eat at a street vendor, your fans appeared. You were so nice with them I had no other choice but to drink alone (I have no further recollections of that night). Two years ago at the European Championships I sent you a box of the highest quality Swiss chocolate but you never said anything. (Okay, later I found out it was accidentally eaten by your teammate, Georgi, after he failed with his vampire-themed programme.)

Once, you promised you would cheer for me if I did a pole-dance, and lick champagne from my bare chest (maybe the latter wasn’t included in the promise), but of course, you totally forgot about that. Yet I spent years mastering the perfect pole-dance techniques. But when finally I was able to show you my skills and shining muscles, you had eyes only for Yuuri Katsuki. Well, I have to admit, you have good taste, he is a sexy little sushi roll; I might even fall for him if I weren’t already enchanted by your charms. (A threesome, perhaps? No?)

But now, even if this breaks my poor heart into little pieces, I have to accept that you cannot be mine, and my beautiful (and nasty) dreams about our love will be never fulfilled. Ah, the pain!

All that remains for me is a selfie of us by a rooftop pool; epitomes of the mature sex-appeal. I think I will print the picture and hang it over my bed. (Maybe I’ll send you a copy to remember the little moments of happiness we shared. And I’ll write my number on the back. Just in case...)


End file.
